Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
