and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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