Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
