Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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