pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i drank out of a bidet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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