Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
