he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's rum buckets o'clock
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
