My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
