she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize