Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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