i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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