C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
