I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
