so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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