those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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