Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
