how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
