You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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