did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
