I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
