yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
a search helicopter?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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