it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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