Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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