that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
