I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Randomize
