I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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