Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
