this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
