I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize