I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
