I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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