i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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