he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
