i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
