Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
