why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
where are my eyebrows?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
