I'm lost and stupid without you.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Barsexuality is the new black.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
