new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
