I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
