Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
