dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
