I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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