i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
home. puking in laundry basket.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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