Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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