Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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