Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
