I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drake has all the answers
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
