u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
