I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
did you just send me my own nude
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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