you would pick up someone in the library
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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