my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
