You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
