guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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