He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
either way he was missing a nipple.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
