no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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