i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
