stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
