So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry my hands just texted you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
