i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
