That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
