bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
