i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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