i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
