it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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