the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
