so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
