I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it because I queefed?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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