i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize