if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
